I am going to diet. I never diet, because one, I love food, and two, I don’t believe that diets actually work. However, this year is different. My computer is in an upstairs bedroom. I have been on the computer now for over 30 minutes and I am slightly out of breath. I have never been one to be particularly fit, but I have never been extremely overweight either. I think I may be at my heaviest this year and I am so tired of it. Today I read about the Mediterranean diet which looks right up my fat alley. Grains, veggies, fruits, very little red meat, lots of fish, good fats and wine. This one is a winner winner, fishy dinner. My goal weight is realistic and I am confident that I have the capacity to fix delicious healthy meals. With two chubby fingers straining to cross, I am optimistic about my chances. I guess I gotta go remove the beer from the fridge. Sigh…. but you know what they say, “nothing tastes as good as thin feels.” I hope that’s true, cause caramel tastes pretty damn good.

It’s funny that I think my brother, Shawn and my sister, Katie have the same basic problem: they truly have no idea how awesome they really are. I don’t want to sound like a guidance counselor or a best man’s speech, but I don’t think they understand how great they are. Since he was born first, I’ll start with Shawn.

Shawn is hilarious. Shawn is so funny, that many times he has brought me to tears with things he has said or done. I have a safe laugh that isn’t fake, but it’s fairly controlled. It’s the kind of laugh one would use when laughing at a movie they’ve seen twenty times. I use my safe laugh a lot. Shawn unearths my unbridled laugh. Full force, from the diaphragm, loud, manic laugh. He makes me laugh to the point where no sound comes out, just a weird, very high-pitched, stream of air escaping out of my gut. Kinda sounds like the tea is ready,  know what I mean? Buteveryone knows Shawn is funny, even Shawn. What I don’t think Shawn gets is what everyone else sees. Not just a funny guy, but also kind and wittyand incredibly loving, despite how guarded he usually is. The most loyal man one would ever know. He is a modern day knight. Chivalrous and brave, strong and smart, had he been born centuries ago, he would be known as Shawn the Destroyer… I guess that name doesn’t fit with my point, but I think Shawn the Destroyer has an awesome ring to it. So maybe it’s better that he was born now. Regardless, Shawn is amazing. When I used to watch him onstage, for me, it was like seeing a meteor shower for the first time. You know watching it that you’re not alone in seeing it, and it happens all the time, but it still seems so personal and it fills you with a strange sort of pride. It’s like that everytime I see Shawn perform. People are better for knowing him, and if he could see what I see, he would be too.

Katie also makes me laugh, but in a different way. She surprises laughs out of me with her shockingly inappropriate humor. Not shocking in the sense that I am easily shocked, because anyone that knows me, would say I am not like that. You take one look at Katie, or spend anytime with her in a public setting and you wouldn’t believe some of things she says in private, especially after a few beers. And Katie has many many traits that are shining beacons of her personality; her drive and ability to volunteer for any work without a peep of complaint,but I think she knows those things. What makes me crazy, is she doesn’t get how smart and beautiful she is. Katie is a stunning beauty. She always has been. You see some girls, when they are young, and think, “wow, they will be pretty.” That is definitely Katie. But she doesn’t see herself that way. She sees a bulge in her stomach, and flabby arms, and huge calves- things that no one else sees. And I think it’s tragic. Almost like a Greek mythology; like she pissed off Athena and her curse is that she is a dazzling beauty, but when she looks in a mirror, all she sees are phantom flaws. And she is also smart as hell. She thinks because sometimes she verbalizes things before fully thinking them out, that this somehow makes her stupid.

It’s a frustrating thing to watch. Like going to a horror movie and watch the lead continue to take the wrong path that brings them closer to the killer. “No, not that door! Can’t they see there is another exit?!” I love my siblings so much it is impossible for me to think of anything bad happening to them. I have had dreams where something is trying to harm them and I wake myself up to avoid the thought. Yet, somehow I tolerate watching them go through life, not understanding how the world views them. They wake up each day and see only what their mind will allow them. I am sure this isn’t unique and this is how it is for most people. But with persons as incredible as Shawn and Katie, I think it’s cruel.

Okay, so here are my top 15 favorite movies to watch at Christmastime. I phrase it this way, because not all of my picks are technically Christmas movies.  These are my just favorites, not the best, so I am sorry but Miracle on 34th St won’t be showing up, because frankly, I find it boring. Okay, here we go:

15. Trading Places- so this one isn’t really a Christmas movie, but part of the movie takes place during Christmas and I really like it. Plus, it’s a really funny movie. Especially once Dan Akroyd’s character really spirals out.

14. Gremlins- I know, I know… again, not a traditional Christmas movie, but go back and watch it again and not only will you find it funny, but you’ll be surprised by how much of a Christmas movie it is.

13.Love Actually- This may be my favorite romantic comedy besides being a good Christmas movie. Not one to watch with the kiddos, but a solid movie- %100.

12.Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer- I think this movie loses a bit of charm as I get older, however, I like it in a different way than I did when I was a kid. It’s kind of hard to watch unless you are forced to watch it with a group of adults. Then it becomes hilarious. “No child wants to play with a Charlie in the box.”

11.Bad Santa- This movie is filthy from almost start to finish. And they do everything to make the main Character despicable, but it’s just so funny. And you feel so much love for the boy in it, you can’t wait for a grown man to kick the crap out of a group of bullying kids.

10.Elf- I could care less if someone doesn’t like Will Farrell, he is bananas in this movie. It certainly has it’s cheesy moments, true, but it is a charming movie. I like it, and I don’t want to hear any crap about it.

9.A Christmas Carol- Since there are 200 different versions of this I am specifically talking about the one with George C. Scott. The gruffest actor alive. There are many Scrooges portrayed as cold and nasty, but his is the only one that just seemed angry. Like his raspy voice has been groomed through years of anger. And his turn around is brilliant.

8. A Muppets Christmas Carol- My family won’t be surprised to see this on my list. It’s a favorite for me, strictly because of my dad. Plus, I always picture my brother, Shawn and me walking down the street singing the harmony that Bob Cratchett (Kermit) and Tiny Tim are singing. We never have, but fingers crossed…

7. Scrooged- Another Christmas Carol version, but really fantastic. Funny and touching, Bill Murray brings something to the role that no other has really been able to. It is also the only version that I could watch the rest of the year. Plus, Carol Kane, forget about it…

6.How the Grinch Stole Christmas- Okay, not the animated version, and I’ll tell you why. Forget about the Grinch’s lame-ass back story. Any moment where Jim Carrey is on camera in this is a laugh riot. Yeah, I said it, laugh riot. I find that when I talk about this movie, I turn into the Chris Farley show- “umm, remember the time when he is, umm, talking to the echo and it talks back to him? That was funny.”

5.White Christmas- Danny Kaye, Bing Crosby, ‘nough said.

4.National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation- I realize that this is pretty much the first movie, only set at Christmastime, but I don’t care, it’s a funny, funny movie. Absolutely crammed with good quotes, Christmas for me isn’t the same unless I watch this movie. I would quote something here, but how do I choose?

3.A Charlie Brown Christmas- I think I love this one more for the music than anything else, but still, I love the message. It truly reminds me not to hung up in the commercialism of it all… for about five seconds. Lights please.

2.It’s a Wonderful Life- It would be easy for me to say this movie is overrated since it shows up at the top of every Top Christmas Movie list, but the fact is, it earned its place. Incredibly touching, this movie is amazing.

1. A Christmas Story- The fact that TBS runs it for 24 hours on Christmas should alone explain why it’s at the top of my list. Christmas is not Christmas for me without this movie, period. I love it and it is %100 timeless. EVERYBODY watches this movie at Christmastime, and if they don’t, they should.

So there it is, I welcome any comments, I am guessing Shawn will do his list, which I would find interesting. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Madeline is on a sleep strike. Which means I too am on a sleep strike. I don’t know that I could perform basic math right now. It’s funny how important sleep is. Adrian had an idea to create a pill that gives your mind and body the efeect of 8 hours of sleep. Imagine, pulling an all nighter to study for an exam, or deal with a crying baby, or whatever, and taking a pill in the morning and after 30 minutes you feel refreshed and happy and lucid. I haven’t had more than 6 hours of sleep since I was 6 months pregnant. Madeline just celebrated her 1st birthday. I would tell you how long that has been, but once again my brain is operating at capacity right now. If I had to turn away from the screen right now and recite everything I’ve just wrote, I don’t know if I’d even get 20% of it correct. My problem is that I refuse to let her just cry it out. We have plenty of people that tell us that they did it to their kids and they are just fine, but still. And even when she’s cried for a bit and I pick her up, she gives me this look like, “you sucker,” but I just can’t do it. And I am totally on my own, because Adrian is all for her crying it out. But here’s the deal: some people say that crying it out can cause brain damage. And when I say some people, I don’t mean one independent study, but a lot of people. And even if it weren’t true, do I want to take that chance? I mean, I remember someone saying that it was okay to have a little bit of alcohol while one is pregnant, but I wasn’t about to take that chance either. The way I feel is that sometimes parenting is really hard. Sometimes, it sucks. But, you suck it up because it’s your responsibility to make sure your child gets the best chances possible. Ever see March of the Penguins? Sometimes you just can’t take the easy way out. Well, maybe not can’t, but certainly shouldn’t.

Okay, my first blog…shake it out, Anna.

My page’s design theme is called Fjords, which is the primary reason why I picked it. I mean, I like how it looks and all, but I am immediately drawn to the name fjords. Maybe it’s because I am Swedish. Maybe it’s because there aren’t very many words in the English language where an F is immediately followed by a J, and I appreciate the uniqueness of the word. Or maybe it’s because how a fjord is created. Through abrasion and over a long period of time, glaciers cut valleys out of bedrock, creating fjords that tend to be deeper than the surrounding sea. Fjords can cause extreme currents and large rapids. I think everyone can relate to that. A formation that, at times, can be calm and beautiful, was crudely formed through abrasion, and because of how it is shaped it can be volatile and dangerous.

Yesterday, I was talking to my husband, Adrian, about when I lived in Oklahoma with my mother and stepfather, Tom. They lived in a mobile home on the land that Tom owned. The living conditions were cramped, to put it lightly, so rather than share a small bedroom with my sister and stepsister, I lived in a smaller trailer 30 feet from theirs. My trailer had no heat or air conditioning and technically it had a 1/2 bathroom, but inside it lived a massive hornets’ nest. I asked them to remove the nest, but it never was. (Later in life I discovered that I am allergic to wasps/hornets.) So, here I am, in the middle of winter in Oklahoma, wrapped in layers and layers of clothes; and I am trying to go to sleep so that I don’t have to think about how badly I need to pee, which is at least 30 feet away that I have to wade through snow to get to. But I guess it’s a better option than the death box I have in my trailer. By the way, did I mention I was 13 at the time. So anyway, there I am in Oklahoma, and my family can’t seem to figure out why I am so mad all the time. They even sent me to a therapist, who was an old blind man. Yeah, that’s who I want to talk to about my changing female form. It was a rough time. I mean, forget the school I was going to at the time was terrible, and I hated the church they made me attend every Sunday, and I had no friends and didn’t live in the same place as my family… I was becoming a teenager at the time and that is hard enough. The point to my story is that I was telling Adrian this, and we are dying laughing while I am telling it. Laughter tears are streaming down my face. The whole situation just seemed so ridiculous to me. I thought about my little Madeline, who just turned 1, and how I couldn’t imagine putting her in that situation. No way. But, I am not an angry person now. I talk to my mom everyday. And you know what? Even though I don’t say it to her, I am a way better mother than she was. My daughter is 1 year old and I can say with confidence, I am a better mother than mine was. I have been formed through abrasion to become  the person I am-strong but loving, and passionate in good ways and in bad; and although I have moments when I can be volatile, I like to think that I have a lot of calm and beautiful moments that far outweigh the currents and rapids.